Do we consider the wider impact of loss and grief when we think about staff wellbeing?

Let’s start by taking a variety of workplace settings across the UK.

In office 1, a manager knows they are running late for a 9.30am appointment that one of their team members scheduled at the end of last week. They hurry back into their office where their team member is waiting for them and whilst they continue sorting their desk and filing papers from the planning meeting they have just attended, they don’t notice the body language of their team member, they don’t notice he is wiping away tears.

The manager does stop however when she hears her team member say that his wife was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour and he doesn’t know how he will manage work whilst caring for his wife and their 2 young children.

In office 2, a trainee solicitor is preparing for an appointment with a new client regarding a divorce. It is set to be a particularly difficult divorce and the male client is understandably emotional after finding out his wife has been unfaithful on multiple occasions.

In the playground, a teacher notices one of her class members being escorted in by her grandparents which is very unusual. Once the child is settled, the grandparent approaches the teacher to explain that the child’s father died in a road traffic accident the day before and the family felt it best that the child keeps her routine. She is not yet aware that her Father has died.

In a hotel reception, a call is taken by one of the receptionists and on the other end of the line is a distressed woman. She is trying to explain that she has to cancel her booking as her wife has had a stroke and she needs to get back to her bedside. They were due to arrive later this afternoon for a Monday to Friday break.

In a restaurant, the waitress goes to clear a table and the elderly man sitting alone at the table starts to cry and begins to tell the waitress that this was he and his wife’s favourite restaurant and today is their 54th wedding anniversary but she has dementia and was moved into a care home last week because he could no longer care for her.

All of these are unarguably very sad circumstances, yet they are scenarios that play out in the workplace each and every day. The reality is that very few people that find themselves being presented with this information have had any training in how to lead and manage an emotional support conversation.

To lead an emotional support conversation takes skill, practice and an acceptance that each conversation will take its own individual path – we cannot fall into a one size fits all approach.

To ensure that people we are talking with feel supported, there is a key structure that we need to follow:

PREPARATION

Some considerations for best practice include:

·      For conversation that are expecting, make sure you are aware of organisational policies around carers leave and bereavement leave.

·      Have conversations with professionals who have specialist knowledge and can support both you and the person (HR, Occupational Health).

·      Block your diary before and after planned conversations. Time before allows you to focus, time after allows for an overrun – it is important that the person feels that they are listened too and not hurried. It also allows you time after the meeting to check in with your own emotions. 

COMMUNICATION

When leading an emotional support conversation, we need to draw on a more advanced communication skillset which includes:

·      Non-verbal and verbal communication are equally important. Think about where you are sitting. Sitting behind a desk delivers a barrier between you and the person, sitting side by side doesn’t allow for eye contact neither does it allow for you to show reassurance and read body language.

·      Are you the right person to have the conversation? Are you new in role and have not yet had training on supporting staff emotionally, have you had a recent negative encounter with this person which might impact positive communication between the two of you? Are you shortly leaving to join another team or organisation? If so, find someone who will be able to follow the support through.

·      We need to ensure we are practicing empathy not sympathy. Whilst both come from a place of good intention, sympathy creates a hierarchy in the form of pity whereas empathy allows us to understand what that person’s experience is.

·      Have an awareness of boundaries. You are not there to be a counsellor and you cannot make this situation ok for the person but you can walk alongside them and knowing when to signpost on is another key skill required for the delivery of strong emotional support in the workplace.

PERSONAL RESILIENCE

When we are supporting other emotionally, it is important that we pay direct attention to our own emotional resilience so that our own mental health doesn’t suffer negatively.

Some things to consider include:

·      Make sure you have a good sleep pattern.

·      Block time for yourself after any emotional support conversation rather than go straight into another meeting.

·      Check in with a work mentor, HR contact or your own manager to debrief.

Of course to practice these skills, we would need to take a deeper dive into each section but understanding the impact that the varied forms of loss and grief have in the workplace should be given greater priority.

Before the pandemic, 7.9 million of the UK workforce were experiencing the bereavement of a close family member each year.  At this time, it was also well documented that managers often felt they lacked the confidence to deliver emotional support and staff often reported they wouldn't share emotional concerns with their managers because they didn't feel they would be able to respond effectively.

Throughout the pandemic, numerous surveys have been undertaken and one such study from the Centre for Academic Primary Care noted that over 50% of those bereaved in the last 18 months are experiencing high or, in some cases severe vulnerability in their grief. Marie Curie have further added to this by determining that 74% of those with severe vulnerability are not accessing any bereavement support.

There is growing evidence noting the number of bereaved individuals who are going on to develop long term anxiety and depression symptoms.

With this need for improved focus on supporting those experiencing loss and grief, what measures for best practice do you have in place and what measures could you take to improve things further in your organisation?